Now it’s over to Ted:
“I am 78 years old. I returned from the Vietnam War with a duty free stereo and kidney stones. The duty free stereo lasted 4 years, the kidney stones 60.
My urologist is Dr Stuart Collins. Stuart hates cancer cells. So does my radiation oncologist at Icon Cancer Centre Noosa, Dr Marcel Knesl. They are like Laurel and Hardy, Bill and Ben. or more still Penn and Teller, as they weave their magic in pursuit of cancer cells.
Welcome to Icon Cancer Centre Noosa.
Marcel, who is the boss and likes cointreau and mountain biking, is determined to build a big prostate like the big pineapple. It’s to challenge Stuart, who has the world’s largest collection of cancerous prostates preserved in vegemite jars on display, next to a personally autographed sweater from Jonathan Thurston in his men’s shed.
Marcel will tell you if any cancer has done a runner. He designs your treatment, monitors your progress and shows you the pictures of his latest mountain bike.
The Iconettes (reception team) will guide you to the oncology nurses, who come from the order of ‘The Sisters of No Chance of Repentance.’ They would rather give you a comforting cuddle than a pamphlet that attempts to decipher the incomprehensible. You are then seamlessly escorted to the ‘mice in the basement’ as I called them (radiologists). They are kept down there behind lead doors, not for personal hygiene reasons, but cancer buster reasons.
