Sourcing strength from radiation therapy

My first thought before starting radiation therapy to treat my breast cancer was “how can I allow my body to be bombarded with radiation?” The word radiation glowed luminous green in my head, and although I hoped that it would kill any remaining rogue cancer cells, I knew that certain radiation kills people. I’ve seen the extreme photos of Hiroshima where everything turned to ash. These thoughts crowded my head but I suppressed them.

I didn’t know how I’d cope with a daily schedule of turning up every single day, five days a week for five weeks, while being pleasant to everyone… everyday. The effects of the chemotherapy hadn’t worn off and I still felt awful. What I came to realize during those weeks is that besides the most obvious gain – a better chance at beating my cancer – there were unexpected bonuses that I could take home from the whole experience.

For my cancer type, radiation therapy increases my overall chance of survival by about 10%. My radiation oncologist spent plenty of time in our consultation showing me the results of studies for my type of breast cancer. Perfect! This helped me feel so much better. For my cancer, radiation therapy has better outcomes than the chemotherapy I’d just finished. Since radiation therapy uses light particles, I tried to think of my treatment as light therapy. Light as in life, and NOT going up to the heavenly light!

Another bonus I didn’t expect was becoming comfy in my own skin… without boobs… fast. My mastectomy had been nine months earlier and I no longer had any cleavage. I thought I had come to terms with losing the ‘girls’ but actually, I hadn’t.

My mind was still catching up with the reality of losing what felt like part of my femininity. During my radiation therapy, my skin was so sensitive that I couldn’t wear any restrictive clothing like bras or synthetic materials.

At first I felt resentful that I couldn’t wear my padded bras. However it was summer and it was hot, so I ended up wearing skimpy tops like halter necks, and before long I felt normal again even without my ‘fake boobs’. Now six months on I remain equally comfortable wearing or not wearing cleavage. Without undergoing the radiation therapy I doubt I could have reached this mindset so fast.